Time for Change

December 12th, 2006

I will never change for anyone again.

There were too many bruises and pain from the past.  If there was something different someone wanted in me then he would just have to go somewhere else to find it.  To paraphrase a semi-famous philosopher, “I was who I was and that’s all that I was.”  No more change.

And then there was God.

After I was married, I began to delve into the Word in a more passionate way than I had before.  I wanted to know more.  I used bible studies, commentaries, and scripture to work at a relationship with God.  The more I dove in, the more He gently prodded and guided me to change.  Ever so slowly, my attitude began to chip away.  The things that had seemed like important parts of my world lessened in importance.   There was a subtle, but distinct, change in me.

Refusing to change hadn’t made me strong or better.  No change had merely been hindering my spiritual growth.  It is not possible to become the person God wants me to be if I’m not willing to leave the person I think I am.  I have to change in order to grow to God.

Focusing on others only compounded my hindrances.  It wasn’t the people around me who needed to change, it was me.  I just refused to see that big beam sticking out of my head.  Matthew 7: 1-4, Luke 6:41
 

Over the next few years, I continued to struggle in my growth.  The more I allowed God to mold my insides, the tougher things seemed to get.  If I thought changing the way I did laundry was rough then I was in for some real shocks.  God began to show me that it wasn’t just about my actions; it was about every aspect of my life including my thoughts and my words.  Psalm 94:11, 1 James 1:14-15, Matthew 15:11.  The more I learned, the less I wanted to know.  Attempting to walk in the will of God made my flesh cry out.  “What if . . .”  What if someone takes advantage of my new attitude?  What if someone runs me down?  What if he refuses to change?

Closing my eyes, I stepped into change with only my faith.  I found myself falling into a deeper relationship with Christ than I had ever experienced.  The peace was overwhelming and often all consuming.  The joy of the Lord overflows into every aspect of my life now.  My attitude has improved.  My habits have improved.  My very life skills are improving and I have become a better mother, wife, daughter, and friend. 

Every day I seem to change a little more and it all gets a little better.

As God has molded and changed me, He has also impacted those around me.  Things still aren’t perfect, but things outside of me are also continuing to grow and change.  God has used the bumps in the road of my life to bring me closer to Him.  It’s not always easy and it’s not always fun, but it is always worth the trip.

Entry Filed under: Attitudes