Posts filed under 'Family and Home'
People who know me will attest to the fact that I’m not like most people. Being peculiar has always been one of my trade marks. Although I’m not exactly weird, I definitely skip to the beat of my own drum.
There will really no other way for me to turn out. I come from a family of unique and unusually people. My family has the odd-ball uncle or two (who has been known to wear Superman costumes and hang from chandeliers) and a few peculiar aunts as well. That doesn’t even delve in to the peculiar state of the cousins that fill the branches of the family tree.
Life is more interesting when there are some non-conformists in the group. They may not always make sense, but they do tend to keep things interesting. I get much of my peculiar instincts from watching and copying (in some shape or form) many of the odd family members I have encountered over the years.
I am growing my children up to be peculiar as well. We are avoiding the whole “hang from the ceiling” concept and striving for a more biblical form of peculiar. Our immediate family is focusing on treating others as we would WANT to be treated and seeking to do something good for someone else each day. We also try to smile at others. If you don’t think these few acts of kindness will make people stop and stare, try it a few times.
Being peculiar doesn’t mean you have to be strange (I think my family has the corner on that market anyway). The peculiar people that God desires in His family are those that seek to do His will every step of their day.
April 30th, 2008
Every morning our whole family puts on the Whole Armor of God. Even the two year old is learning the process (although he always wants to skip to the boots of the gospel of peace). We go through the process of pretending to physically put on the spiritual armor usually at the breakfast table (first thing in the morning most mornings).
I thought that was enough, until yesterday. It was only after a straining serious of events that my husband faced and the resulting attitudes and actions that spilled over on the rest of the family that I realized we were missing a vital piece of the Armor – one you have to find BETWEEN the lines of scripture.
Never leave the house if you aren’t covered with positivism. Positivism is like the oil poured of Jason to keep him from being burned by the bull (Jason and the Argonauts). Facing the world with a positive mind force will keep you from being burned by the circumstances that you are bound to encounter.
Positivism is the ability to look at a situation and find the one positive that you can hold on to. For many people, the fact that I was stuck on dialup while trying to earn a living online might seem like a negative, but I would NEVER have learned to balance my time as well otherwise. There is always a positive to what ever situation you might face. The key is finding it – no matter how small – and repeating it over and over again until it takes hold in your heart.
The Armor of God has saved my family on several occasions. I know that it is important that we make that early connection with God each morning – as a family and as individuals. Now I just have to help them find their own positivism and be sure that they leave the house fully coated every day.
April 8th, 2008
There are a lot of theories about how to be a good wife. Some are distorted interpretations of one religions doctrine or another. Some are tradition handed down for generations without any rhyme or reason (or for reasons that have long been forgotten). The best way to be a good wife is to be a good you.
1. Stop right now trying to change him. There is only one person you can change in the relationship and that is YOU. Work on making you the best you that you can be. Keep it “on the down-low.” You’re change should be obvious because of what he sees, hears and feels not because you show him how you are trying to change. A good wife does not nag (in the end it is just a waste of breath anyway).
2. Focus on you – when it comes to change. Being a good wife means that you have to work hard to correct negative patterns and habits in YOUR life (I was EXTREMELY sarcastic when I first got married – often to the point of hurting others. I have had to learn that words do hurt).
3. Focus on him – when it comes to needs and wants. If you will put others first (but not to the detriment of your health) with a joyful heart then you will see a drastic change in the world around you. Sometimes being a good wife means sacrificing a little of you for him (and them when children come along).
4. Support his dreams. If he wants to quit working a “real” job and start his own business then sit down and work out a plan with him that will give him that opportunity. He needs your support to be truly successful. There is a balance for a good wife between supporting dreams and discouraging foolishness and you have to learn to find that balance and approach the situation with tact. But every dream deserves a chance to live.
5. Speak positive things over his life. Every wife gets frustrated at times and that is understandable, but 99% of what you say about (and around) your husband should be good, positive and uplifting.
6. Being a wife is a job – think of it in that terms. Work hard to do what is expected of you in the relationship. Ask your husband to write down what he expects. You write down what you expect. Work out a list that you can both be happy about from day to day. Remember that everyone comes into marriage with different expectations and part of being a good wife is blending those expectations so that the two can become one.
7. A good wife will create a zone of safety and comfort in the home. Make it a noise free zone when the hubby first gets in. Have a project or activity set up for the kids so that they can get out of the house (or off to another room) after greeting dad.
8. Take pride in what you are doing. Being a good wife if one of the most valuable things a married woman can do. Stop making excuses for why things aren’t the way you want and start working right now to get them that way.
9. Find the joy in being a good wife. There are positive things to say about every job. Find your silver linings and focus on those when things get tough, mundane, or just tiring.
10. Value yourself – no matter what others might say or do. Remember that being a good wife will help you create a foundation for your marriage, your children’s future and your own well being. Forget the experts or the politically correct and look to your own heart to determine what being a good wife is all about.
Being a good wife is a growing process. It is not something that you fall into just because you say “I do.” Each day, each situation and each time you turn around you will find that being a good wife requires flexibility, compromise and change. Take the challenge and make your family’s future one that will keep you smiling.
April 4th, 2008
It is possible to live a positive life even with negative people all around you. It is POSSIBLE, but it ain’t easy!!!!
I live with several negative people around me every day. I see the half full glass and they see the need to buy milk at incredibly expensive prices and paying out the ear for gas to get there (the scary thing is that I’m NOT exaggerating).
It would be easy to fall down to their level. Finding the good and positive in situations (and especially in people) is not always the fun way to live. Choosing to nag, complain and basically pass out blame like Pez is a much easier path to take. At least it seems to be easier.
The truth is that positive people live healthier, happier and longer lives. That’s what I want for my children. So I choose to see the silver lining no matter what the grumblers and complainers may see. I choose to see the rainbow and admire the colors and not complain about the rain. I choose to see that our needs are met and not complain that we don’t have a million dollars in savings.
It has taken me years to work out a system, but I have developed ways to protect my positive attitude from the negative forces that often surround me.
1. Avoid negative news, movies and television shows. The attitudes you put into your eyes and your ears will fester in your heart and eventually come out of your mouth. Guard your mind!
2. Give up trying to make the people around you be positive. Live your life the way you know it should be lived (putting God first, putting others second, and then looking out for yourself as well). They will eventually come around or run away.
3. Find at least one positive outlet for your life (like this blog 
). You need to be recharged and lifted up or the negative forces will suck the life right out of you.
4. Make a decision to stay positive for the next hour – and keep doing it for every hour of the day. A little at a time does not seem like such a big hurdle.
5. Being positive does not mean being perky. It is okay to be upset about a situation or to even be sad (because of a loss or a pain). It is what you do with those emotions that make the biggest difference between a positive person and a negative person. Do you take out your emotions on the people around you or to you begin to look for things in your life that you are truly grateful to have?
It is all about choice. The life that I live and that I teach my kids can be the one that is healthy, happy and full of life or it can be one of clouds, complaints and darkness. It seems like a simple enough choice, but every day I watch as people around me choose the dark over the light.
March 26th, 2008
There are days when you wake up and feel like you are already behind. Today was one of those days for me. I feel like I’m running uphill in sinking sand – pumping hard, but hardly making a dent. Every time I complete task one, three more seem to pop up in its place.
It’s not as bad as I FEEL it is. The problem is that once I start thinking negatively, it can be hard to find anything positive. Instead of moping around in my feelings, I have to press on through to the finish. Climbing back up to something that resembles a positive attitude is not always easy (especially if you are in it alone), but it can be done.
1. Put yesterday behind me. No matter what did happen (or didn’t happen) I can not let yesterday effect today. Let it go.
2. Get a new perspective. Seriously look at what you are doing each day – get a friend to look at it – and see if you are truly utilizing your time wisely. You may find that not only are you accomplishing a great number of tasks, but you are on the verge of being wondermom.
3. Release the stress. If you don’t get something done – no matter what that thing is – the world will not come to an end. Picture the worst case scenario and honestly admit that you could find a way to survive with out serious injury. The stress will start to melt away.
It can be overwhelming at times trying to be a work at home mom. You want to do everything for everyone and still make the money to boot. Sometimes it feels like you aren’t getting anything done at all.
The truth is that you can’t do it all, but you can find ways to get it all done. Along the way, give yourself some credit (and a break or to) and it will turn out to be a bright, sunshiny day after all.
March 13th, 2008
Growing up, I always wanted to have enough children to fill a baseball team. Nine would be great, but ten would allow for a substitute. My husband was a true blessing in this area. Since he was an only child, the idea of a large family suited him fine. That’s where the agreement seemed to stop, though. Aunts, uncles, parents, and friends were all shocked by the mere notion of that many kids. What could possibly be wrong with me?
After our first two children were born, they began to pressure us to stop having any more children. Matters only intensified when I gave up my job to become a full time mom. With my husband working as a public school teacher, the in and out laws bombarded us with questions on how we would survive. Surprisingly, one of the most frequent questions we heard was “how will you pay for college.” Our usual answer, that we didn’t intend to pay for their college, never went over very well, so we just quit answering at all. They were also curious about how we would clothe and feed any more kids. It’s amazing how intrusive people can become in someone else’s business.
Part of the annoyance seems to be the size of our house. When we decided to make our first purchase, we chose land. We moved a small house (that was going to be destroyed and we got for a bargain) to the back of the property and have preferred the small space to the massive homes so many of our friends and relatives find necessary. You can’t sneeze in this house without someone hearing.
One question we would get (when our children were too young to attend kindergarten) was how would we pay for college? The fact that we didn’t intend to pay for college was obviously not an acceptable answer. If I tried to explain that we expected the kids to work hard, earn their own money and earn scholarships, the discussion would be terminated.
Things got rough when we chose for me to leave work and become a full-time mom. Forget that we also chose to homeschool the kids - that almost caused a revolution. When baby number 3 came along, I think people just gave up. Obviously we were just too dense to understand our own dilemma.
After much contemplation over the concerns and questions most often asked, I began to understand what people really seemed to be asking us. How, with our limited resources and space, would we ever be able to give each child everything that he might need or want? The answer was even simpler than I would have thought. We just redefined what the child needs and wants – mostly by example.
There is not a single piece of new furniture in our home. Not that we can’t afford new furniture, but we choose to spend our money in other ways (sometimes we even save up for big things – like vacations). Last year we did use our tax refund to splurge on furniture for the family room – we bought a couch, two chairs and two ottomans (with storage) for around $350 (they were on sale or on clearance). It was a family decision and everyone was excited about the choice.
Birthdays are another example of redefining expectations. First, the child picks a theme that we can decorate around (and that we can come with crafts or activities to accompany). There is a limit on the number of guests that can be invited – the child’s age + one. Favors are handcrafted by each child that attends the party. This serves to keep them busy and doesn’t fill their own homes with nick knacks that will never be used. The cake is always from scratch (or at least a box). After the party, the birthday child cannot play with the new toys until he has written a thank you note for the toy. Not only do they learn to appreciate what they have, but they learn to appreciate the thought put into the gift as well.
Vacations can be a bumpy place for us, especially if the air conditioner chooses to quit or the car needs a major repair. Mini vacations have become the ever increasing norm for us. One or two days, in an area within driving distance, to take in the sites makes a lasting impression on the children and on the parents without making a lasting dent in the wallet. We also save up to buy family passes (especially great if the facility has reciprocal practices with other places) and try to use those regularly.
The children don’t get everything they want, and for that matter neither do the parents. We are all learning to gauge our priorities and to be patient. Sometimes, it comes. On those occasions when it doesn’t work out, the disappointment fades quicker than most people would imagine.
In a world of “I want,” “give me more,” and “NOW,” our family is living lives of satisfaction and contentment. The word no is actually used in our home, and the children actually understand the meaning. We openly discuss our finances with them, and they are already learning to help around the house, to work, and to manage money.
Why would we want more? In the cozy little space that we now have, we are forced to interact as a family. There is no space to run and hide. We watch the same TV on the same couch. We eat at the same table. Everything is shared. This is how we plan to give each of our children everything they will ever need.
March 5th, 2008
There are aliens all around me. They suck the living joy right out of me before I even recognize them. Sometimes they are disguised as a clerk, or a stranger, but mostly they come in the form of my husband.
Last weekend I had my latest encounter. The little creature suctioned itself to my forehead – its tentacles sprawled all around - as soon as husband started his complaints. With each breath my husband took, the alien sucked out a little more joy. With each ounce of joy that slipped from my mind, my energy seemed to go from my body. With in minutes, I was being pulled down by the shear weight of the thing. It wasn’t so little anymore. Head in hands, I contemplated my fate. I knew the end was near.
Okay, maybe the creature wasn’t real. The feelings were real, though. With each complaint, I felt my energy seep from my body. I quickly went from being happy about life in general and simply enjoying the day to needing a nap. What on earth had happened to me?
Thinking back on the situation, I kept returning to the scripture “the joy of the Lord is my strength.” Every time I had thought of strength, I pictured a muscled bound guy lifting heavy weights or the big muscle man at the circus. There had to be more.
Pulling out my trusted concordance, I searched for the true meaning of strength. According to Strong’s it is a fortified place or a rock. This definition is a far cry from Webster’s definition that strength is the power of body, mind, position, etc. (and far from the muscle man pictured in my head)
“The joy of the Lord is my strength.” It is the solid place I make my stand. It is the beginning. I needed to think on that for a while.
What exactly is the joy of the Lord? For me it is the confidence that He died so that I could live. It is the knowledge that He cared so much that He preferred to suffer instead of allowing me to suffer. It is also the understanding of the kind of life that He wants me to live – an abundant life of joy overflowing. I picture Him pouring waves of smiles over my head. (I have a vivid imagination.)
It is with these understandings that I can build up my positions and fortify my walls so that they can stand against the storm. Understanding and Knowledge are my ability to survive and to make it through. This is a concept I have know, so how or why had I let this little alien, this insignificant creature just suck away my very ability to stand?
It didn’t take much thought to pinpoint the moment of invasion. It happened right at the time that my husband started his barrage of negative comments. “We don’t have . . .” “We aren’t . . .” “We’ll never . . .” But how had it happened? I began to understand that spending time with someone who is focused on the negative is like having a balloon with a pin sized hole. Before you know it, the whole thing is flat and you never even noticed there was a leak. I had sprung a leak.
With this new wisdom, I determined not to fall victim again. Negativity (the new name for my little alien creature) has the power to rule my very thoughts if he gets just a leg in (or a tentacle). I wasn’t letting him back in.
People have the right to complain, just not around me. It takes far more energy to complain than to enjoy what you have, which is probably why the complainer sucks the energy out of everyone around. (It also takes more muscles to frown than to smile, but that is for another day)
Being positive or learning to find the silver lining is a gift or an art or a challenge, depending on how you look at it. “What ever is true, honest, right, pure, lovely, or of good repute – think on these things.” If my mind is full of God, then Negativity has no place to attach. Without negativity, I keep my joy. I keep my strength. I win.
March 4th, 2008
If seeing is believing, then isn’t dreaming the first step to becoming? Dreaming has been part of my personality since as far back as I can remember. Daydreams, yes, but also the dreams where I would picture myself doing, or saying or becoming the one thing I wanted. I could see myself at a book signing. I could see myself dancing competitively (even BEFORE ‘Dancing with the Stars’). I could see myself traveling with the circus.
The snag in my scenario has been fear. The ‘what ifs’ have always found their way into my dreams and crushed them. What if no one likes what I write? What if people talk about me? What if people laugh at me? What if something happens and I don’t have insurance?
What if, what if, what if . . .
My children will not grow up that way. I will no longer live that way. Fear has been banned from our home. No one is allowed to ask a “what if” question anymore. It’s just too negative when all is said and done. Dreams can never be a reality if negative thoughts are allowed to take over.
Our new motto is “you can not achieve what you do not try.” Stepping out is a requirement to get anywhere. There have been enough opportunities missed in our lifetimes as it is. Today we start stepping towards our dreams and bringing them into reality.
February 28th, 2008
Writing full time has been eating away (pun intended) at my second love of cooking. There just isn’t time to prepare the menus and meals that I have done in the past. Instead of giving up on the cooking altogether, I’m learning how to make some of those thirty minute meals (and I mean prep and clean time as well) that the whole family will love.
1. You have to prep ahead of time. Take an afternoon (preferably after shopping) the chop, brown, and freeze most of your vegetables and meats.
a. After chopping vegetables, freeze them in single layers on a cookie sheet. Then store them in freezer bags or freezer containers. Having veggies pre-chopped will save you a load of time. Good candidates for freezing – carrots, celery, onions, bell peppers, potatoes, okra, squash. Basically anything that you are going to use for COOKING.
b. Brown ground beef, sausage, and stew meats before cooling and freezing into one pound servings. Separate individual chicken breasts or tenders (be sure to cut away any unappetizing pieces of gristle or fat), pork chops, meat patties into the press and seal freezer containers. Then you can take out what you need when you need it.
2. Use your crock pot any chance you get. You can cook lasagna, sides, or even desserts in the crock pot by just adjusting your cooking time from the existing recipe. You can put the food in, turn on the crock pot and walk away until its time to eat. Clean up is made easy with the new crock pot liners that are available in most stores.
3. Use the boxes, but give them a twist. Instead of just serving according to direction, add cheese, vegetables, or seasonings according to your liking. I took a regular ‘Hamburger Helper,’ added some cream to create a sauce, some seasoning, and a package of green beans (along with the ingredients called for on the box). I had a full casserole meal, in one dish, in less than thirty minutes. (Ramen noodles are another fun staple that you can give a quick twist. Add a few pieces of Velveeta cheese after the liquid has cooked out and you have an interesting version of mac-n-cheese).
4. Keep pasta in the pantry. If all else fails, have a quick pasta meal for dinner. Add some garlic toast (use hamburger or hotdog buns, spread on some softened butter, sprinkle with garlic salt and cheese and then toast until brown) and a little salad and you have a well rounded meal.
The keys to quick and easy meals are preparations and flexibility. Be daring when you try new ways to cook old favorites. Set aside one day a month to get things chopped and ready to go and you will find that feeding your family good meals really is possible in just thirty minutes or less.
February 24th, 2008
Working at home is both a blessing, and a curse, depending on what time of day you talk to me. It’s great that I can get up before dawn and begin pounding away at the keyboard. It’s not so great when the rest of the house gets up as well. Working in the middle of the kitchen makes it even more hectic.
It has now been 5 months of full-time WAHM status for me. Every thing is still not balanced. I need to mop the floor, but I need to meet several deadlines even worse. It seems that every time I get caught up, something happens and I’m racing to catch up once again.
The schedule is getting better. I didn’t have to stay up all night during this past week. I went to my son’s basketball games with out worrying about the stories I was leaving behind. But I haven’t been shopping in two weeks, and the pantry is starting to show wear.
There are a few things I’ve learned over the last few months that will help me in my struggle to balance the life of a work at home mom – writing, cleaning, cooking, errands, and kids . . . and at some point the hubby as well 
.
1. Delegate responsibility. Even though my husband doesn’t do the laundry the way I do, I have to trust him to do it. The same goes for the kids. They may not clean the bathroom as well as I would, but it is clean (or cleaner than it was when they started anyway).
2. Work as a team. If you see something needs to be done then just do it then. It will probably only take a couple of minutes and any complaining you would do about it to the responsible party is going to take that much time anyway.
3. Take time for family. No matter how many deadlines are looming ahead, take time to eat as a family and even time to play as a family. One of the main benefits for working at home is that you do get to be with family, so take advantage of it.
4. Spread out the deadlines. Even if everyone wants things done on the first of the month, spread out the deadlines on your work sheet. There is a little procrastinator in us all, and if everything is due at the same time you will never be able to get done every thing that you have been putting off.
5. Learn how to say no. As your jobs continue to increase, learn to say no to the ones that aren’t the best pay, the best fit for you abilities, or the ones that you actually want to do.
6. Do a little of each job each day. Spending one or two hours on each upcoming project will lay the foundation for meeting (or beating) all of your deadlines.
7. Work when you can. If you have to go sit at practice with the kids, then take your laptop along. Get in a few minutes of work while you are there.
8. Enlist your spouse. Let your partner know what kind of time you need – not just the number of hours, but whether the house needs to be completely quite or just sort of peaceful.
9. Set some rules. Make a sign that says “Working – Do not Disturb,” one that says “Please Wait Your Turn” and one that says “My Door is Open.” Use the signs, along with some basic rules and guidelines, to help your family understand your work mode and your mommy mode.
10. Be flexible. Working at home usually requires much more flexibility in when, where and how you work than just going into the office. Learn to go with the flow, but always stay focused on the goals ahead.
Learning how to work from home is a trail and error process, at least where I’m living. Fortunately, most of the people I have worked with to date have understood the process and been flexible themselves. As I close in on the half year mark, I know that I am beginning to get a grip. I look forward to the day when I have my schedule all worked out – including the house, the family, the work, AND the personal writings.
February 23rd, 2008
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