Posts filed under 'Attitudes'
A sure sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different. Every person that is alive today tends to be insane in some area of life. Work is the same, speck is the same, attitude is the same, eating is the same and yet there is an expectation of change.
I was there. I wanted change and even knew how to get change, but I was willing to change my way of doing things to get there. After all, did it REALLY matter all that much? If you truly want change in your life – from what ever or to where ever – there are some things that you must do.
1. If you want change in your life then you have to choose to change. It may be something small (like keeping negative words out of your mouth) or something big (like trading sodas for water) or something unexpected (like getting up at 4 am every morning). There is something that you know you need to be doing (or not doing) and you just haven’t been willing to go there. If you truly desire change then you MUST go there.
2. Breaking a bad habit means replacing it with a good one. I had the habit of eating in front of the television (especially when the kids would eat at Grandpa’s). By fixing meals and planning for the family (whether they show up or not) I am more consistent about eating at the table. It also helps if I turn OFF the television!
3. Change comes when you decide change will come. Think positively about your situation. If you have lost your job (or left unexpectedly) use the time to create the working environment that you have always desired. Thinking positively only requires that you find one good thing from the situation you are in at present.
4. Be excited. I worked for a man who made up repeat – with enthusiasm – “I feel healthy, I feel happy, I feel terrific” over and over again every day before we started work. If you fake the enthusiasm, you are likely to find that you stumble into the enthusiasm rather quickly. Do what you need to do with joy and excitement.
5. Make a plan, but follow through. You can lay out all the perfect schemes or ideas, but if you don’t take the first step then change will never find its way to your door step.
Change may not seem easy, but it sure is simple. You simply have to want to change, be willing to choose to change, and then step out towards change in order to make a difference in your life.
April 10th, 2008
Every morning our whole family puts on the Whole Armor of God. Even the two year old is learning the process (although he always wants to skip to the boots of the gospel of peace). We go through the process of pretending to physically put on the spiritual armor usually at the breakfast table (first thing in the morning most mornings).
I thought that was enough, until yesterday. It was only after a straining serious of events that my husband faced and the resulting attitudes and actions that spilled over on the rest of the family that I realized we were missing a vital piece of the Armor – one you have to find BETWEEN the lines of scripture.
Never leave the house if you aren’t covered with positivism. Positivism is like the oil poured of Jason to keep him from being burned by the bull (Jason and the Argonauts). Facing the world with a positive mind force will keep you from being burned by the circumstances that you are bound to encounter.
Positivism is the ability to look at a situation and find the one positive that you can hold on to. For many people, the fact that I was stuck on dialup while trying to earn a living online might seem like a negative, but I would NEVER have learned to balance my time as well otherwise. There is always a positive to what ever situation you might face. The key is finding it – no matter how small – and repeating it over and over again until it takes hold in your heart.
The Armor of God has saved my family on several occasions. I know that it is important that we make that early connection with God each morning – as a family and as individuals. Now I just have to help them find their own positivism and be sure that they leave the house fully coated every day.
April 8th, 2008
There are a lot of theories about how to be a good wife. Some are distorted interpretations of one religions doctrine or another. Some are tradition handed down for generations without any rhyme or reason (or for reasons that have long been forgotten). The best way to be a good wife is to be a good you.
1. Stop right now trying to change him. There is only one person you can change in the relationship and that is YOU. Work on making you the best you that you can be. Keep it “on the down-low.” You’re change should be obvious because of what he sees, hears and feels not because you show him how you are trying to change. A good wife does not nag (in the end it is just a waste of breath anyway).
2. Focus on you – when it comes to change. Being a good wife means that you have to work hard to correct negative patterns and habits in YOUR life (I was EXTREMELY sarcastic when I first got married – often to the point of hurting others. I have had to learn that words do hurt).
3. Focus on him – when it comes to needs and wants. If you will put others first (but not to the detriment of your health) with a joyful heart then you will see a drastic change in the world around you. Sometimes being a good wife means sacrificing a little of you for him (and them when children come along).
4. Support his dreams. If he wants to quit working a “real” job and start his own business then sit down and work out a plan with him that will give him that opportunity. He needs your support to be truly successful. There is a balance for a good wife between supporting dreams and discouraging foolishness and you have to learn to find that balance and approach the situation with tact. But every dream deserves a chance to live.
5. Speak positive things over his life. Every wife gets frustrated at times and that is understandable, but 99% of what you say about (and around) your husband should be good, positive and uplifting.
6. Being a wife is a job – think of it in that terms. Work hard to do what is expected of you in the relationship. Ask your husband to write down what he expects. You write down what you expect. Work out a list that you can both be happy about from day to day. Remember that everyone comes into marriage with different expectations and part of being a good wife is blending those expectations so that the two can become one.
7. A good wife will create a zone of safety and comfort in the home. Make it a noise free zone when the hubby first gets in. Have a project or activity set up for the kids so that they can get out of the house (or off to another room) after greeting dad.
8. Take pride in what you are doing. Being a good wife if one of the most valuable things a married woman can do. Stop making excuses for why things aren’t the way you want and start working right now to get them that way.
9. Find the joy in being a good wife. There are positive things to say about every job. Find your silver linings and focus on those when things get tough, mundane, or just tiring.
10. Value yourself – no matter what others might say or do. Remember that being a good wife will help you create a foundation for your marriage, your children’s future and your own well being. Forget the experts or the politically correct and look to your own heart to determine what being a good wife is all about.
Being a good wife is a growing process. It is not something that you fall into just because you say “I do.” Each day, each situation and each time you turn around you will find that being a good wife requires flexibility, compromise and change. Take the challenge and make your family’s future one that will keep you smiling.
April 4th, 2008
It is possible to live a positive life even with negative people all around you. It is POSSIBLE, but it ain’t easy!!!!
I live with several negative people around me every day. I see the half full glass and they see the need to buy milk at incredibly expensive prices and paying out the ear for gas to get there (the scary thing is that I’m NOT exaggerating).
It would be easy to fall down to their level. Finding the good and positive in situations (and especially in people) is not always the fun way to live. Choosing to nag, complain and basically pass out blame like Pez is a much easier path to take. At least it seems to be easier.
The truth is that positive people live healthier, happier and longer lives. That’s what I want for my children. So I choose to see the silver lining no matter what the grumblers and complainers may see. I choose to see the rainbow and admire the colors and not complain about the rain. I choose to see that our needs are met and not complain that we don’t have a million dollars in savings.
It has taken me years to work out a system, but I have developed ways to protect my positive attitude from the negative forces that often surround me.
1. Avoid negative news, movies and television shows. The attitudes you put into your eyes and your ears will fester in your heart and eventually come out of your mouth. Guard your mind!
2. Give up trying to make the people around you be positive. Live your life the way you know it should be lived (putting God first, putting others second, and then looking out for yourself as well). They will eventually come around or run away.
3. Find at least one positive outlet for your life (like this blog 
). You need to be recharged and lifted up or the negative forces will suck the life right out of you.
4. Make a decision to stay positive for the next hour – and keep doing it for every hour of the day. A little at a time does not seem like such a big hurdle.
5. Being positive does not mean being perky. It is okay to be upset about a situation or to even be sad (because of a loss or a pain). It is what you do with those emotions that make the biggest difference between a positive person and a negative person. Do you take out your emotions on the people around you or to you begin to look for things in your life that you are truly grateful to have?
It is all about choice. The life that I live and that I teach my kids can be the one that is healthy, happy and full of life or it can be one of clouds, complaints and darkness. It seems like a simple enough choice, but every day I watch as people around me choose the dark over the light.
March 26th, 2008
No matter what the circumstances may look like – no matter how cloudy the skies, how messed up the schedule or how many problems try to make it seem different – today WILL be a good day. It’s not about my situation (although everything I have faced this morning would be a reasonable excuse for most people). It’s not about what other people (or machines) are or are not doing. My day is a reflection of my attitude and I am going to find the silver lining.
The Negative: I’ve been up since 3 am and still haven’t gotten word one done on any of my work. Both (get that?) of the computers have decided to call it a day. So I’ve been spending the morning trying to get a computer to work.
The Positive: Today I had the chance to learn a lot about trouble shooting my computers and the difference between hardware components and software components.
The Negative: I have 100 items due next week and one less day to work on them.
The Positive: I have 100 items due next week and I’m getting paid for everyone of them.
The Negative: The cable intallation team says I’m still not serviceable even though we paid (out the nose) specifically to BE serviceable. Since there is no way to contact the local office directly I get to drive the 70 mile round trip yet again.
The Positive: I had a nice conversation with the office ladies and the engineer, they gave me a discount and worked out the situation and I got to visit with a couple of friends when I stopped in at the store on the way home.
The Negative: If it could go wrong this morning then it probably did. I got up early, got no work done and still need my computers fixed and my cable run.
The Positive: My children got to see me keep my cool no matter what was thrown at me. “How do you stay so calm right now?” I just smiled and told them that it was definitely a God thing.
There is another side, no matter how dark or grim things might look or feel. It takes practice, but you really can learn to make lemonade when life throws you lemons (and if you don’t like lemonade then just open a store and make a fortune from your misfortune).
March 18th, 2008
There was a report on the news recently that positive people live longer and are better at overcoming heart disease. Experts have their theories about why this is likely. It has a lot to do with the physical. Although I fully believe that positive people will be in better physical shape, I think it all comes back to the heart – and the spiritual aspects of life.
1. Positive people are less stressed. If you don’t worry about things and you let problems roll off you like water on a duck’s back then you are going to live your life much more relaxed than the people around you.
2. Positive people have more fun and laugh more. Laughing has been proven to extend your life and if you aren’t worried about every little thing you will find it easier to laugh at more that goes on around you.
3. Positive people want to live because they enjoy life. The more you desire something, the easier it is to get your mind and body to go along. If you are enjoying life then you have no reason to leave.
4. Positive people are surrounded by positive people. There is some truth to the saying that “birds of a feather flock together.” Negative people tend to shy away from the positive leaving the positive people all together to lift up and encourage one another.
5. Positive people attract others. Most individuals want to be supported and encouraged and being around positive people reminds them how good life is. Having friends and family give positive people strength, support and plenty of joy.
Being positive is not just good for the way that you live but it is not proven that a positive attitude will actually help you live longer. Starting looking for the silver lining and see how far that takes you.
March 14th, 2008
There are days when you wake up and feel like you are already behind. Today was one of those days for me. I feel like I’m running uphill in sinking sand – pumping hard, but hardly making a dent. Every time I complete task one, three more seem to pop up in its place.
It’s not as bad as I FEEL it is. The problem is that once I start thinking negatively, it can be hard to find anything positive. Instead of moping around in my feelings, I have to press on through to the finish. Climbing back up to something that resembles a positive attitude is not always easy (especially if you are in it alone), but it can be done.
1. Put yesterday behind me. No matter what did happen (or didn’t happen) I can not let yesterday effect today. Let it go.
2. Get a new perspective. Seriously look at what you are doing each day – get a friend to look at it – and see if you are truly utilizing your time wisely. You may find that not only are you accomplishing a great number of tasks, but you are on the verge of being wondermom.
3. Release the stress. If you don’t get something done – no matter what that thing is – the world will not come to an end. Picture the worst case scenario and honestly admit that you could find a way to survive with out serious injury. The stress will start to melt away.
It can be overwhelming at times trying to be a work at home mom. You want to do everything for everyone and still make the money to boot. Sometimes it feels like you aren’t getting anything done at all.
The truth is that you can’t do it all, but you can find ways to get it all done. Along the way, give yourself some credit (and a break or to) and it will turn out to be a bright, sunshiny day after all.
March 13th, 2008
Patience is a virtue, but when it comes to dealing with the cable company it can be a miraculous event. Three months ago I put down a payment to get cable to may house (there aren’t enough customers for the cable company to bare the expense). Three weeks ago they started the whole “we’ll be there at the first of the week.”
My husband is not happy. By postponing bringing high-speed internet to our home, the cable company is limiting the amount of money I can make. Writing online using dialup takes about 4 times longer that it would we cable. He wonders why I’m not throwing a fit.
It would be easy to go up to the cable office (they have yet to give ms a phone number to contact) and yell and scream and stomp my feet. In the end all I would have is sore feet. The truth is all I do when I get upset is ruin my day (and probably the day of those poor souls stuck listening to me). It won’t change the procedures that the company has to go through to give me what I’ve requested. It definitely won’t change the fact that in this area my only hope for high-speed is the cable company.
Growing patience isn’t just about accepting things that come your way, its about doing all you can until where you are until circumstances turn around. For it me it means putting death to procrastination and turning a few of my habits around to good.
1. Spread out the work. Instead of trying to get large amounts done in a single day, I need to work on getting a little done every day.
2. Do the hard stuff first. Anything that requires research over the internet should be done first thing in the morning (for some reason that is when I have my fastest connection).
3. Know my limits. As much as I want to be able to take on $1000 a week, it’s just not possible at present. If I don’t want to work 12 hours a day all week long, then I have to realize that my dance card is full.
4. Keep pushing. Online writing is an interesting way to earn a living, but print still pays better and it doesn’t take the internet to accomplish. I need to continue to work on my print career during internet down times.
If I can do all the work that I have scheduled and do it in the amount of time that I want to be working, then I can’t even begin to imagine what a wonderful world this will be when cable finally arrives.
March 9th, 2008
There needs to be more time in my day. Theoretically, daylight savings time is suppose to create it. For me it just means I have to get up during darker hours of the morning and that bedtime has to be pushed back (because what kid wants to go to be with the sun still up?). There has to be a way to squeeze one more hour out of my day.
1. Multi-task – since I’m still on dialup, I spend a good deal of time waiting for research pages to load. Instead of clicking on solitaire to pass the time, I need to have a non-computer project near by. I can work a bit on it while the page down loads and then return to the screen when it gets there. This is the best time to do bills!
2. Focus – my dad has a saying that he repeats to me (too) often, “Don’t put your dogs in that fight.” When I’m working, I have to remember that. It is easy to let issues or matters that have nothing to do with my life, my family or my work get me riled up. Focusing on issues and situations that actually matter will help me add time to my day.
3. Plan – make a list, a schedule or post-it-notes, what ever it takes to help you know what you need to do. Include everything – from taking the library books back to scrubbing the toilets to submitting your novel. Seeing it will help you keep from getting to the end of the day and remembering you didn’t do anything that you needed to do that day (although you may have gotten your Christmas list completed 
).
4. Hide – if you have a place of your own to work then lock the door and stay in it. If you are fortunate enough to get to spend all of your time right in the center of your family’s daily lives, then buy a laptop and run away for a few hours. You will be amazed at how much you can accomplish with uninterrupted time.
5. Unplug – the television is the time curse of the modern era. It eats more hours than any other single thing you have to deal with. Television can spark procrastination, gluttony, sloth and so much more. Turn off the television to guarantee more time in your day – or cut the cable all together!
There may be a limited amount of time that anyone person gets in one day, but there are ways to make it feel like so much more. Use what you have wisely and completely and you will feel like the day just goes on until you are done.
March 6th, 2008
Growing up, I always wanted to have enough children to fill a baseball team. Nine would be great, but ten would allow for a substitute. My husband was a true blessing in this area. Since he was an only child, the idea of a large family suited him fine. That’s where the agreement seemed to stop, though. Aunts, uncles, parents, and friends were all shocked by the mere notion of that many kids. What could possibly be wrong with me?
After our first two children were born, they began to pressure us to stop having any more children. Matters only intensified when I gave up my job to become a full time mom. With my husband working as a public school teacher, the in and out laws bombarded us with questions on how we would survive. Surprisingly, one of the most frequent questions we heard was “how will you pay for college.” Our usual answer, that we didn’t intend to pay for their college, never went over very well, so we just quit answering at all. They were also curious about how we would clothe and feed any more kids. It’s amazing how intrusive people can become in someone else’s business.
Part of the annoyance seems to be the size of our house. When we decided to make our first purchase, we chose land. We moved a small house (that was going to be destroyed and we got for a bargain) to the back of the property and have preferred the small space to the massive homes so many of our friends and relatives find necessary. You can’t sneeze in this house without someone hearing.
One question we would get (when our children were too young to attend kindergarten) was how would we pay for college? The fact that we didn’t intend to pay for college was obviously not an acceptable answer. If I tried to explain that we expected the kids to work hard, earn their own money and earn scholarships, the discussion would be terminated.
Things got rough when we chose for me to leave work and become a full-time mom. Forget that we also chose to homeschool the kids - that almost caused a revolution. When baby number 3 came along, I think people just gave up. Obviously we were just too dense to understand our own dilemma.
After much contemplation over the concerns and questions most often asked, I began to understand what people really seemed to be asking us. How, with our limited resources and space, would we ever be able to give each child everything that he might need or want? The answer was even simpler than I would have thought. We just redefined what the child needs and wants – mostly by example.
There is not a single piece of new furniture in our home. Not that we can’t afford new furniture, but we choose to spend our money in other ways (sometimes we even save up for big things – like vacations). Last year we did use our tax refund to splurge on furniture for the family room – we bought a couch, two chairs and two ottomans (with storage) for around $350 (they were on sale or on clearance). It was a family decision and everyone was excited about the choice.
Birthdays are another example of redefining expectations. First, the child picks a theme that we can decorate around (and that we can come with crafts or activities to accompany). There is a limit on the number of guests that can be invited – the child’s age + one. Favors are handcrafted by each child that attends the party. This serves to keep them busy and doesn’t fill their own homes with nick knacks that will never be used. The cake is always from scratch (or at least a box). After the party, the birthday child cannot play with the new toys until he has written a thank you note for the toy. Not only do they learn to appreciate what they have, but they learn to appreciate the thought put into the gift as well.
Vacations can be a bumpy place for us, especially if the air conditioner chooses to quit or the car needs a major repair. Mini vacations have become the ever increasing norm for us. One or two days, in an area within driving distance, to take in the sites makes a lasting impression on the children and on the parents without making a lasting dent in the wallet. We also save up to buy family passes (especially great if the facility has reciprocal practices with other places) and try to use those regularly.
The children don’t get everything they want, and for that matter neither do the parents. We are all learning to gauge our priorities and to be patient. Sometimes, it comes. On those occasions when it doesn’t work out, the disappointment fades quicker than most people would imagine.
In a world of “I want,” “give me more,” and “NOW,” our family is living lives of satisfaction and contentment. The word no is actually used in our home, and the children actually understand the meaning. We openly discuss our finances with them, and they are already learning to help around the house, to work, and to manage money.
Why would we want more? In the cozy little space that we now have, we are forced to interact as a family. There is no space to run and hide. We watch the same TV on the same couch. We eat at the same table. Everything is shared. This is how we plan to give each of our children everything they will ever need.
March 5th, 2008
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