Archive for March, 2008
There needs to be more time in my day. Theoretically, daylight savings time is suppose to create it. For me it just means I have to get up during darker hours of the morning and that bedtime has to be pushed back (because what kid wants to go to be with the sun still up?). There has to be a way to squeeze one more hour out of my day.
1. Multi-task – since I’m still on dialup, I spend a good deal of time waiting for research pages to load. Instead of clicking on solitaire to pass the time, I need to have a non-computer project near by. I can work a bit on it while the page down loads and then return to the screen when it gets there. This is the best time to do bills!
2. Focus – my dad has a saying that he repeats to me (too) often, “Don’t put your dogs in that fight.” When I’m working, I have to remember that. It is easy to let issues or matters that have nothing to do with my life, my family or my work get me riled up. Focusing on issues and situations that actually matter will help me add time to my day.
3. Plan – make a list, a schedule or post-it-notes, what ever it takes to help you know what you need to do. Include everything – from taking the library books back to scrubbing the toilets to submitting your novel. Seeing it will help you keep from getting to the end of the day and remembering you didn’t do anything that you needed to do that day (although you may have gotten your Christmas list completed 
).
4. Hide – if you have a place of your own to work then lock the door and stay in it. If you are fortunate enough to get to spend all of your time right in the center of your family’s daily lives, then buy a laptop and run away for a few hours. You will be amazed at how much you can accomplish with uninterrupted time.
5. Unplug – the television is the time curse of the modern era. It eats more hours than any other single thing you have to deal with. Television can spark procrastination, gluttony, sloth and so much more. Turn off the television to guarantee more time in your day – or cut the cable all together!
There may be a limited amount of time that anyone person gets in one day, but there are ways to make it feel like so much more. Use what you have wisely and completely and you will feel like the day just goes on until you are done.
March 6th, 2008
Growing up, I always wanted to have enough children to fill a baseball team. Nine would be great, but ten would allow for a substitute. My husband was a true blessing in this area. Since he was an only child, the idea of a large family suited him fine. That’s where the agreement seemed to stop, though. Aunts, uncles, parents, and friends were all shocked by the mere notion of that many kids. What could possibly be wrong with me?
After our first two children were born, they began to pressure us to stop having any more children. Matters only intensified when I gave up my job to become a full time mom. With my husband working as a public school teacher, the in and out laws bombarded us with questions on how we would survive. Surprisingly, one of the most frequent questions we heard was “how will you pay for college.” Our usual answer, that we didn’t intend to pay for their college, never went over very well, so we just quit answering at all. They were also curious about how we would clothe and feed any more kids. It’s amazing how intrusive people can become in someone else’s business.
Part of the annoyance seems to be the size of our house. When we decided to make our first purchase, we chose land. We moved a small house (that was going to be destroyed and we got for a bargain) to the back of the property and have preferred the small space to the massive homes so many of our friends and relatives find necessary. You can’t sneeze in this house without someone hearing.
One question we would get (when our children were too young to attend kindergarten) was how would we pay for college? The fact that we didn’t intend to pay for college was obviously not an acceptable answer. If I tried to explain that we expected the kids to work hard, earn their own money and earn scholarships, the discussion would be terminated.
Things got rough when we chose for me to leave work and become a full-time mom. Forget that we also chose to homeschool the kids - that almost caused a revolution. When baby number 3 came along, I think people just gave up. Obviously we were just too dense to understand our own dilemma.
After much contemplation over the concerns and questions most often asked, I began to understand what people really seemed to be asking us. How, with our limited resources and space, would we ever be able to give each child everything that he might need or want? The answer was even simpler than I would have thought. We just redefined what the child needs and wants – mostly by example.
There is not a single piece of new furniture in our home. Not that we can’t afford new furniture, but we choose to spend our money in other ways (sometimes we even save up for big things – like vacations). Last year we did use our tax refund to splurge on furniture for the family room – we bought a couch, two chairs and two ottomans (with storage) for around $350 (they were on sale or on clearance). It was a family decision and everyone was excited about the choice.
Birthdays are another example of redefining expectations. First, the child picks a theme that we can decorate around (and that we can come with crafts or activities to accompany). There is a limit on the number of guests that can be invited – the child’s age + one. Favors are handcrafted by each child that attends the party. This serves to keep them busy and doesn’t fill their own homes with nick knacks that will never be used. The cake is always from scratch (or at least a box). After the party, the birthday child cannot play with the new toys until he has written a thank you note for the toy. Not only do they learn to appreciate what they have, but they learn to appreciate the thought put into the gift as well.
Vacations can be a bumpy place for us, especially if the air conditioner chooses to quit or the car needs a major repair. Mini vacations have become the ever increasing norm for us. One or two days, in an area within driving distance, to take in the sites makes a lasting impression on the children and on the parents without making a lasting dent in the wallet. We also save up to buy family passes (especially great if the facility has reciprocal practices with other places) and try to use those regularly.
The children don’t get everything they want, and for that matter neither do the parents. We are all learning to gauge our priorities and to be patient. Sometimes, it comes. On those occasions when it doesn’t work out, the disappointment fades quicker than most people would imagine.
In a world of “I want,” “give me more,” and “NOW,” our family is living lives of satisfaction and contentment. The word no is actually used in our home, and the children actually understand the meaning. We openly discuss our finances with them, and they are already learning to help around the house, to work, and to manage money.
Why would we want more? In the cozy little space that we now have, we are forced to interact as a family. There is no space to run and hide. We watch the same TV on the same couch. We eat at the same table. Everything is shared. This is how we plan to give each of our children everything they will ever need.
March 5th, 2008
There are aliens all around me. They suck the living joy right out of me before I even recognize them. Sometimes they are disguised as a clerk, or a stranger, but mostly they come in the form of my husband.
Last weekend I had my latest encounter. The little creature suctioned itself to my forehead – its tentacles sprawled all around - as soon as husband started his complaints. With each breath my husband took, the alien sucked out a little more joy. With each ounce of joy that slipped from my mind, my energy seemed to go from my body. With in minutes, I was being pulled down by the shear weight of the thing. It wasn’t so little anymore. Head in hands, I contemplated my fate. I knew the end was near.
Okay, maybe the creature wasn’t real. The feelings were real, though. With each complaint, I felt my energy seep from my body. I quickly went from being happy about life in general and simply enjoying the day to needing a nap. What on earth had happened to me?
Thinking back on the situation, I kept returning to the scripture “the joy of the Lord is my strength.” Every time I had thought of strength, I pictured a muscled bound guy lifting heavy weights or the big muscle man at the circus. There had to be more.
Pulling out my trusted concordance, I searched for the true meaning of strength. According to Strong’s it is a fortified place or a rock. This definition is a far cry from Webster’s definition that strength is the power of body, mind, position, etc. (and far from the muscle man pictured in my head)
“The joy of the Lord is my strength.” It is the solid place I make my stand. It is the beginning. I needed to think on that for a while.
What exactly is the joy of the Lord? For me it is the confidence that He died so that I could live. It is the knowledge that He cared so much that He preferred to suffer instead of allowing me to suffer. It is also the understanding of the kind of life that He wants me to live – an abundant life of joy overflowing. I picture Him pouring waves of smiles over my head. (I have a vivid imagination.)
It is with these understandings that I can build up my positions and fortify my walls so that they can stand against the storm. Understanding and Knowledge are my ability to survive and to make it through. This is a concept I have know, so how or why had I let this little alien, this insignificant creature just suck away my very ability to stand?
It didn’t take much thought to pinpoint the moment of invasion. It happened right at the time that my husband started his barrage of negative comments. “We don’t have . . .” “We aren’t . . .” “We’ll never . . .” But how had it happened? I began to understand that spending time with someone who is focused on the negative is like having a balloon with a pin sized hole. Before you know it, the whole thing is flat and you never even noticed there was a leak. I had sprung a leak.
With this new wisdom, I determined not to fall victim again. Negativity (the new name for my little alien creature) has the power to rule my very thoughts if he gets just a leg in (or a tentacle). I wasn’t letting him back in.
People have the right to complain, just not around me. It takes far more energy to complain than to enjoy what you have, which is probably why the complainer sucks the energy out of everyone around. (It also takes more muscles to frown than to smile, but that is for another day)
Being positive or learning to find the silver lining is a gift or an art or a challenge, depending on how you look at it. “What ever is true, honest, right, pure, lovely, or of good repute – think on these things.” If my mind is full of God, then Negativity has no place to attach. Without negativity, I keep my joy. I keep my strength. I win.
March 4th, 2008
Yesterday was a bad day for me. I sat down for a “break” to catch a ball game, and I don’t thing I ever looked back. There was always one more show or one more game to keep me from what I knew I needed to be doing. My excuse was that everyone needed a break now and then.
It didn’t matter to me that I wasn’t done doing the few things I needed to do. I was ready to take a break – so I did. That one break lasted approximately 11 hours. Once I got started, I couldn’t seem to stop myself (or is it once I got stopped I couldn’t seem to get started). Either way, I wasted the entire day doing absolutely NOTHING!
Taking a break is perfectly okay. Spend the day at the park with the kids. Lie outside and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine. Go for a long walk for no reason other than to go for a long walk and enjoy the quiet of that walk. Sitting in front of the television for 11 hours (no matter what programming might be on) is just a waste of time.
Next time I need a break, I’m going to ask myself some questions first.
1. Is it good for me? Will I get some kind of benefit from the activity that I will be doing?
2. Is it good for my family? Will the people I love most be hurt are helped by what I’m going to do?
3. Is it good for my life? Will the activity increase my health, add to my career or help my education or knowledge or will it decrease it?
4. Is it good for the people in my life? Will what I do be a blessing or encouragement to the people I encounter during the day, the week, or my life?
If the activity or break doesn’t have some benefits (for me or those around me) then I have to just walk away and let it go. It’s time that I break the break habit and get on with what’s important.
March 2nd, 2008
Gluttony is a curse, a disease, a hindrance against all the blessings in my life. Weight has been the giant in my life since I was a young teenager. Yesterday, as I was sitting around inside squandering the amazing day, it dawned on me that gluttony is blocking my path to true freedom.
The sad part is that gluttony is like the elephant in the room that everyone sees, but no one wants to discuss. If I had spent the day on the couch because of drugs or alcohol then someone close to me would have likely called for an intervention. But it is politically incorrect (not to mention insensitive) to point out a relationship with gluttony.
This morning I woke up determined to claim my freedom. I understand that gluttony is stealing my time, my energy and so very many blessings bound for me and my family. It will not happen anymore. From this moment on I am treating the bondage of gluttony like I would any other curse. Starting right now, I am breaking free – for myself and for all those who I encounter.
1. No more treating food like a god. I will not worship it by eating alone, hording “special” foods or worrying about my next meal.
2. There will be no eating apart from the place designed to eat. That means if I’m not sitting down at the table, allowing my mind and body to experience the food and communicate satisfaction (instead of cramming something in while watching a movie or working on the computer) then I just won’t eat.
3. Being hungry will not kill me. I will allow my body to get to the place of hungry by not eating until I feel an actual grow or rumbling in my stomach (not my bellybutton, but just under my chest).
4. Everything in moderation. Instead of trying to cut out the “bad” foods, I will trust that everything God created is good and I will only eat a small portion (about ½ to ¼ of what I have been eating).
5. Gluttony is a sin, and I confess my sin to God and to any one who has been looking to me for guidance or inspiration (and in whose path I have been a stumbling block).
If I look at my life through the eyes of reality instead of sugar-coating my actions with political correctness and “sensitivity” then I can finally push myself to be what I want to be.
March 2nd, 2008
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