Archive for February, 2008
If seeing is believing, then isn’t dreaming the first step to becoming? Dreaming has been part of my personality since as far back as I can remember. Daydreams, yes, but also the dreams where I would picture myself doing, or saying or becoming the one thing I wanted. I could see myself at a book signing. I could see myself dancing competitively (even BEFORE ‘Dancing with the Stars’). I could see myself traveling with the circus.
The snag in my scenario has been fear. The ‘what ifs’ have always found their way into my dreams and crushed them. What if no one likes what I write? What if people talk about me? What if people laugh at me? What if something happens and I don’t have insurance?
What if, what if, what if . . .
My children will not grow up that way. I will no longer live that way. Fear has been banned from our home. No one is allowed to ask a “what if” question anymore. It’s just too negative when all is said and done. Dreams can never be a reality if negative thoughts are allowed to take over.
Our new motto is “you can not achieve what you do not try.” Stepping out is a requirement to get anywhere. There have been enough opportunities missed in our lifetimes as it is. Today we start stepping towards our dreams and bringing them into reality.
February 28th, 2008
Procrastination is an easy habit to fall into. Once you get there, it can be hard (if not impossible) to dig your way out. Procrastination is a lot like an avalanche, the longer it goes, the bigger it grows.
My uncanny ability to procrastinate reached almost infamous proportions when I was in school. I was so adept at waiting until the last second to start and complete major projects that I began to convince myself that I did best under pressure. This “gift” followed me through college, and into marriage (much to the dismay of my husband).
Now I have children who are looking at me to see what is the correct way to act. Procrastination is no longer my friend or a gift. This curse is hindering my ability to be the example I want to be. Plus, I have now discovered that ever time I put something off there is just more to do the next time I come around to it.
My procrastination mess just keeps growing and growing and growing.
I know all the reasons NOT to procrastinate:
• You never know what tomorrow will hold, but you do know there is going to be something that happens to interrupt what you had planned to do.
• Sicknesses (or injury) always seem to occur when there is the least amount of free time available.
• If something is getting put off then I am not doing what I know to do.
• “Do it now” has little meaning to my children when I spend all of my time waiting to do it tomorrow.
Yesterday I was joking that cable hasn’t been run out to my house so that I could have high speed internet service. “I know I have learned patience.” Since I keep putting off projects and getting stuck with a connection that is slower than Christmas, maybe my problem is procrastination.
The only way I know to break the habit of procrastination is to start doing things right now – this instant – no matter how small. Doing a little of what needs to be done, with out question or hesitation, will get me well on the way to living a procrastination free life.
I am determined to start first thing tomorrow!
February 27th, 2008
Writing full time has been eating away (pun intended) at my second love of cooking. There just isn’t time to prepare the menus and meals that I have done in the past. Instead of giving up on the cooking altogether, I’m learning how to make some of those thirty minute meals (and I mean prep and clean time as well) that the whole family will love.
1. You have to prep ahead of time. Take an afternoon (preferably after shopping) the chop, brown, and freeze most of your vegetables and meats.
a. After chopping vegetables, freeze them in single layers on a cookie sheet. Then store them in freezer bags or freezer containers. Having veggies pre-chopped will save you a load of time. Good candidates for freezing – carrots, celery, onions, bell peppers, potatoes, okra, squash. Basically anything that you are going to use for COOKING.
b. Brown ground beef, sausage, and stew meats before cooling and freezing into one pound servings. Separate individual chicken breasts or tenders (be sure to cut away any unappetizing pieces of gristle or fat), pork chops, meat patties into the press and seal freezer containers. Then you can take out what you need when you need it.
2. Use your crock pot any chance you get. You can cook lasagna, sides, or even desserts in the crock pot by just adjusting your cooking time from the existing recipe. You can put the food in, turn on the crock pot and walk away until its time to eat. Clean up is made easy with the new crock pot liners that are available in most stores.
3. Use the boxes, but give them a twist. Instead of just serving according to direction, add cheese, vegetables, or seasonings according to your liking. I took a regular ‘Hamburger Helper,’ added some cream to create a sauce, some seasoning, and a package of green beans (along with the ingredients called for on the box). I had a full casserole meal, in one dish, in less than thirty minutes. (Ramen noodles are another fun staple that you can give a quick twist. Add a few pieces of Velveeta cheese after the liquid has cooked out and you have an interesting version of mac-n-cheese).
4. Keep pasta in the pantry. If all else fails, have a quick pasta meal for dinner. Add some garlic toast (use hamburger or hotdog buns, spread on some softened butter, sprinkle with garlic salt and cheese and then toast until brown) and a little salad and you have a well rounded meal.
The keys to quick and easy meals are preparations and flexibility. Be daring when you try new ways to cook old favorites. Set aside one day a month to get things chopped and ready to go and you will find that feeding your family good meals really is possible in just thirty minutes or less.
February 24th, 2008
My younger brother is not a tall guy. When he was playing high school basketball, he was about 5’6”, but he LOVED the game of basketball. Even though he was talented in other sports, he walked away from them to focus on his love. He practiced, played and trained for basketball. At the end of the season during his senior year, he received a basketball scholarship.
Talent will only take you so far. It has to be followed up with hard work – and usually lots of it. There has to be action behind the talent before anything will come from the talent.
Writing is my passion. For years I wondered why no one was beating down my door offering me multi-million dollar book deals. Wasn’t my work good enough? Didn’t I have talent?
The truth is (and pardon me while I brag on myself for a minute) that I do have some talent. If I were completely honest, I would say that most people have some talent when it comes to story telling. My problem is that I haven’t been putting the action behind the talent. Instead of writing, working on my writing, or looking for opportunities to get my writing read, I have let other distractions take priority.
If I want to be a successful writer (or get a basketball scholarship or start a business) then I have to put it first. Every day there has to be a significant portion of my time devoted to learning, molding, and exposing my craft. Without action, I just have a notebook full of old poems sitting on my bookshelf getting dusty.
Success is my responsibility. Without me, success will find another place to dwell.
February 24th, 2008
Working at home is both a blessing, and a curse, depending on what time of day you talk to me. It’s great that I can get up before dawn and begin pounding away at the keyboard. It’s not so great when the rest of the house gets up as well. Working in the middle of the kitchen makes it even more hectic.
It has now been 5 months of full-time WAHM status for me. Every thing is still not balanced. I need to mop the floor, but I need to meet several deadlines even worse. It seems that every time I get caught up, something happens and I’m racing to catch up once again.
The schedule is getting better. I didn’t have to stay up all night during this past week. I went to my son’s basketball games with out worrying about the stories I was leaving behind. But I haven’t been shopping in two weeks, and the pantry is starting to show wear.
There are a few things I’ve learned over the last few months that will help me in my struggle to balance the life of a work at home mom – writing, cleaning, cooking, errands, and kids . . . and at some point the hubby as well 
.
1. Delegate responsibility. Even though my husband doesn’t do the laundry the way I do, I have to trust him to do it. The same goes for the kids. They may not clean the bathroom as well as I would, but it is clean (or cleaner than it was when they started anyway).
2. Work as a team. If you see something needs to be done then just do it then. It will probably only take a couple of minutes and any complaining you would do about it to the responsible party is going to take that much time anyway.
3. Take time for family. No matter how many deadlines are looming ahead, take time to eat as a family and even time to play as a family. One of the main benefits for working at home is that you do get to be with family, so take advantage of it.
4. Spread out the deadlines. Even if everyone wants things done on the first of the month, spread out the deadlines on your work sheet. There is a little procrastinator in us all, and if everything is due at the same time you will never be able to get done every thing that you have been putting off.
5. Learn how to say no. As your jobs continue to increase, learn to say no to the ones that aren’t the best pay, the best fit for you abilities, or the ones that you actually want to do.
6. Do a little of each job each day. Spending one or two hours on each upcoming project will lay the foundation for meeting (or beating) all of your deadlines.
7. Work when you can. If you have to go sit at practice with the kids, then take your laptop along. Get in a few minutes of work while you are there.
8. Enlist your spouse. Let your partner know what kind of time you need – not just the number of hours, but whether the house needs to be completely quite or just sort of peaceful.
9. Set some rules. Make a sign that says “Working – Do not Disturb,” one that says “Please Wait Your Turn” and one that says “My Door is Open.” Use the signs, along with some basic rules and guidelines, to help your family understand your work mode and your mommy mode.
10. Be flexible. Working at home usually requires much more flexibility in when, where and how you work than just going into the office. Learn to go with the flow, but always stay focused on the goals ahead.
Learning how to work from home is a trail and error process, at least where I’m living. Fortunately, most of the people I have worked with to date have understood the process and been flexible themselves. As I close in on the half year mark, I know that I am beginning to get a grip. I look forward to the day when I have my schedule all worked out – including the house, the family, the work, AND the personal writings.
February 23rd, 2008
“This is not what I had planned.”
If you haven’t said this in your lifetime, then just wait a while. Eventually you will come to that place in your job, your family, your church, or just life in general where things aren’t exactly the way you pictured them. It’s normal. You show your true character by what you do once you reach that point.
I was there not too long ago. My life was starting to move in the direction of my dreams. My garden was show quality, my writing was taking off, and I was in a place that I enjoyed. Then it all changed.
I am one of those positive people that have a way of getting on other people’s nerves. My faith and focus have brought me through some crazy times. My belief system has pulled me through some serious valleys. But this time caught me off guard. And besides, it was the direction I had planned.
It was easier to wallow in my misery than it was to push on. I was irritated at God. He knew what I wanted. He knew the direction I was headed. I was finally on the right path and then HE moved the path.
The scripture is full of people who followed God’s direction kicking and screaming (or at least moaning and groaning). It’s not like I have a monopoly on this scenario. My actions (or lack there of) are made all the more pathetic when I look back today. It’s not like God was asking me to build a boat in the middle of the desert. It’s not like He sent me to a ruler who wanted me dead to demand that the ruler free God’s people.
The task that I faced was not monumental, life threatening, or all that big in reality. The problem was that is was different from what I had planned. So for me, in that moment, it was a mountain.
The choice had to be made. What will I do with what I face? The circumstances can’t be changed, so how to I turn my misery into rejoicing?
After months of feeling sorrow for myself, I got up. That’s it. I just got up and decided to push on. How I live is my choice – not my circumstances, not my job and not my family. Although my situation wasn’t what it was months before, I was still capable of getting to where I wanted to be. I just had to keep pushing.
It you are at a place where you want to throw up your hands and scream or throw in the towel and run away, I can completely empathize. Instead of giving up or giving in, dig in with all you have. Take a deep breath, face the situation head on, and press on through:
STICK TO THE FIGHT WHEN YOU’RE HARDEST HIT,
ITS WHEN THINGS SEEM WORSE YOU MUSTN’T QUIT.
February 21st, 2008
The number one concern that most married couples has is money – and I haven’t met a couple yet that was concerned because they had too much of it. Money (or lack of it) is one of the leading causes of divorce in America today. The overwhelming need for financial security seems to be embedded in most people’s DNA. And yet we are a country of spenders.
If you really want to achieve financial security then have to learn to change your mindset. Ask anyone (with money in the bank and no debt) how they got to be where they are and they are likely to tell you that they didn’t spend what they didn’t have. Getting to a place where you feel secure is simple, but it is not always that easy. You will have to make some changes and think differently from before, but you can get to a place where you breathe easy when it comes to money.
1. Decide what is truly important in your life and then save for it. If you have to have the big house then work your way up by buying what you can afford first. If you want a new car then start setting aside what would have been the monthly payment for a year or two and then purchase your car with cash. It all comes down to patient choices. If you rush it, you will most likely regret it at some point.
2. Pay your savings before you pay anything else. Even if it’s just a few dollars each week, you have to get in the habit of saving money. As you grow accustomed to saving, you will find more ways to save and find that you are saving more money.
3. Do one more thing. If you already have a “regular” job then do one more thing to make some additional money. Clean out the attic and sell the items you don’t need or love (which are most of them since they were stashed in the attic). Divide the money into savings, debt reduction and just for fun. Make sure everyone in the family gets a little of the just for fun money.
4. See financial security in a new light. Having the safety net of a “regular” paycheck might be something that you have to have to feel secure in your finances. Learning that you can bring in money no matter what your situation or circumstances will get you beyond the normal walk of life and begin to lift you to the extraordinary.
5. Plan for your dreams. What would you do if you didn’t have to “make a living?” Find ways to make your dreams a reality and then begin to work in that direction.
The world and society has a particular way of determining financial security and it is an issue that each and every person faces at some point and time. Talk to your spouse and work to bring your understanding of financial security to a place you can both breathe easy.
February 19th, 2008
It was pouring down rain, I was running behind, there were errands yet to be run and I needed cash. My only bank branch was fifteen minutes out of the way. I decided to kill two birds with one stone and get cash back at the drug store after I picked out a few items.
I ran through the rain, ran through the store gathering up my wares and was at the register in record time. Then the trouble started. I swiped, but nothing happened. I swiped a second time and there was still no response. Now a line was beginning to gather behind me. “Um, it won’t take my card.” The lady behind me sighed loudly to be sure I understood her contempt for the situation.
“I’ll just swipe it back here.” The cashier snatched my card and had it through the machine before I could think.
“Oh, I need cash back.”
“I can’t do that now.”
“But I have to have cash back. It was the whole reason I stopped in the first place.”
The impatient (and now annoyed) woman behind me snapped, “Can they check me out in the back?” She had now been waiting in line for approximately 60 seconds. She spoke over me again to the cashier. “She could just go to the ATM.”
And here is where I wish I could just go back in time. If I could, I would turn to the rude woman behind me and smile politely. “No ma’am, I can’t just go to the ATM. If I could just go to the ATM then that is what I would have done in the first place. But there are no ATM’s in this area for my bank and all the ATM’s in this area charge me two or three dollars just to use them. I’m extremely tight on budget at this point in my life and I don’t have an extra two or three dollars. I chose to stop at this store because I knew I could get cash back and I knew it wouldn’t cost me any extra to do it. I needed the cash to be able to stop at another store that only takes cash before it closes in just a few minutes. But seeing as how you are obviously in so much of a hurry that you don’t mind being cold, insensitive and rude to someone you don’t even know, I will gladly step aside and let you go before I work this out with the cashier.”
It would have been comforting to me to be able to say. But it isn’t what I said. Instead I just took my stuff, slithered out to my car, got out at the nearest ATM (in the pouring rain) and paid the fee (which meant cutting my budget for that week). The rudeness she threw at me threw me off.
Standing in that rain, I saw her drive past. It would have been easy to throw a few curses her way (and to mean them), but I wasn’t going to let her steal my joy on top of my two dollars. The world is always looking for ways to make people miserable. It’s too easy to fall into their trap. Instead of being effected by the negatives of the world, stay focused on the good, the positive, and the uplifting and you will be able to rise above any person or situation that comes your way.
Still, it would be nice to have a time machine in situations like this.
February 19th, 2008
Writing any thing on the same subject can began to wear you down. Writing online can be particularly exhausting because of the need for quick turn around. Avoid the urge to give up and walk away when the same subject starts haunting you in your sleep. Let a variety in your writing and in you schedule help to boost your enthusiasm once again.
1. Spread out the work. Recently I had an order for over 100 articles on similar topics but written in the same format. After about six in a row, I start to feel like I’m repeating myself (and some times it feels like I’m saying the same thing over and over). I pushed myself to the point of a nervous breakdown to get the first half done, but I’m taking it a little different for the second half. I write one or two of the articles in between blog posts or other projects. I’m slowly getting the project done, and I’m actually enjoying the process this go around.
2. Take a break. It doesn’t matter how much you enjoy the subject. If you sit in one spot doing the same thing for too long you will start to feel the burnout. Get up and go outside in the sun for awhile. Play a game with the kids and spouse (or just the spouse). Go for a short drive or an outing. A change of scenery and tasks is sure to give your writing a boost.
3. Find a friend. I have several online buddies (we chat through IM) that I can call on when I’m beginning to feel burnout. They are also online writers and are often going through the exact same thing I am. It helps to know that I’m not alone AND they usually know how to motivate me and get me back on track.
4. No more procrastination. There is nothing worse than having a due date pounce on you without having any of the work started. Begin the project as soon as you get the assignment and work on it in pieces. Use the due date to do any editorial work that might need to be done.
The key to avoiding writer’s burnout is to write about things that you enjoy, create variety through different jobs (or your own blog), and spreading out the writing over a longer period of time. Scheduling can be one of the most valuable tools, especially for an online writer. Take a few steps to lay out your writing so that burn out doesn’t fine its way into your career.
February 16th, 2008
The Dr. Phil show recently had a couple on that didn’t have “jobs.” Dr. Phil was insistent that in order for people to live productive lives (particularly when children are involved) they have to have a real (i.e. regular) pay check.
I don’t regularly watch Dr. Phil, but the subject caught my attention. I walked away from the show realizing that society and I have very different ideas of what success is and what the “right” lifestyle is as well. We have lived several times in our married life without “real” jobs. This time around it was completely by choice and we are loving every minute of the new lifestyle that allows us to be together as a family, travel, and relax without having to ask for time off from the boss.
Most people think about their skills and talents as the things accomplished during the “real” job. If you want to break through society’s pattern about what is work, when you can work, and where you can work, you will have to think outside the box that society has built.
1. What do you enjoy? Gardening is a passion of mine. I recently found out that if I produce just $1000 worth of property on my land each year I can qualify as a small farm (which can mean huge benefits come tax time). I am in the process of determining which of my plants need to be divided and how many of the divisions can be sold (or given away). It may not make me rich by the end of the summer, but it will definitely qualify our land as a farm.
2. What are you good at? Do you have a talent for drama or music? Can you build anything if you can picture it in your head? Why not sell your services to friends and family. Word of mouth will do the rest.
3. Get rid of the stuff. All the things in your home that you aren’t using and that are just taking up space are making your life less enjoyable. Clear out your home (one room at a time) and get rid of everything that you don’t use or love. Forget who gave it to you and look at the item for what it is not who it’s from. Take the more valuable stuff to auction and sale the rest at a yard sale or flea market. What you get from the sale isn’t as important as the freedom you get from releasing it.
4. What do you want to do? If money were not an issue in your life, what would you be doing right now? Think outside the box and find ways to make that dream a reality AND get paid for it. If traveling is your desire then hone your writing skills, build up some clips and become a professional travel writer. In most cases, what you want to do is only a few steps away from being a reality.
Making money doesn’t have to be about clocking in and clocking out. You can make all the money you need by being a little creative, a lot daring, and extremely frugal. Look to your gifts and talents and likes to create income in places you never though income existed. Leave the “normal” world behind and walk the peculiar walk of free earners that are beginning to populate the world.
February 16th, 2008
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