Do More Than Dream

“If you want something to happen in your life then you can’t sit around and wait for it to come to you.”  The words are for my husband, but they smack me pretty hard as well.  There are things that I dream about and hope for, but what am I really doing to make them a reality in my life?  The answer is nothing.

It’s hard to step out into your dreams.  The questions and doubts and fears seemed ready to pounce at my first movement in that direction.  It is easier to stay where I am than risk not getting to where I want to be.

Fear of failure can not be an option.  After all, the only guaranteed way to fail is to not even try.  It may be scary to jump out with nothing but faith holding me up.  The road ahead may be dark, intimidating and even overwhelming.  The mountain may look impossible from this vantage point.  One step small step out, just one little piece of the puzzle at a time, and a long, deep breath will get me going in the right direction.

Martina McBride has a song out right now called “Anyway.”  In it the lyrics talk about dreams so out of reach that they might not ever work out but that you should dream anyway.  It’s one of those songs that sticks in my head and encourages me to dare to believe.

Believing and dreaming are only part of the equation.  Like I was telling my husband, I have to do.  So today, I will send out a query about my novel - even if it’s not perfect just yet.  Today I will make a notice to send out about speaking to women’s groups.  Today I will do more than dream.  Today is the day that I leap.

1 comment August 30th, 2007

Be In It to Win It

Learning to get paid by posting on my blog is not going well.  There is more traffic stopping by, and I have posted a few ads, but my dream that sponsors would be beating down my door is starting to fade.  Instead of giving up, I will push on.  I will find a way (if others can do it then so can I).  Until the day my fortune comes rolling in, traffic is my objective.

One of the ways to get a lot of traffic is to participate in contests and blog lists.  I’ve done several with Problogger.net, but this week I’m trying out a contest through Cashforcomments.com.  Not only will it help generate new traffic, but I’ll have a chance to win a 24 inch LCD.  There is even an early bird drawing, so get your submission in quick.

The contest is being sponsored by elitebaseballinsturction.com which has videos to help improve your baseball game.  I’m glad I found this site.  Both of my boys are growing increasingly interested in baseball.  Although I played a little myself, I’m no Cal Ripken (or I guess that would be Carla Ripken in my case ).  It’s always helpful to find some more guidance in baseball training for the boys, so I think I’ve found some potential Christmas gifts through this site.

For those of you who are trying to increase traffic to your site, this contest could be a great jumping off point.  I keep a record of my unique hits, so I’ll update this post over the next few weeks to let you know how well it the contest works for me.  I’ll be especially verbose if (dare I say, when) I win that 24 inch LCD!

1 comment August 27th, 2007

Sharks, and Alligators, and . . . OH MY!

I’m not paranoid, I just don’t like sharks.  Because I now have children and because children have an uncanny way of copying my likes and dislikes, I’ve been working hard to overcome my deep, deep, deep, dislike of these creatures (and their land cousins).

It all started with a magazine I read about the mega sharks.  It talked about the amazing hunting skills these creatures, and all sharks, possess.  They could smell the idea of blood from 100 miles away (okay, that was an exaggeration, but sharks really are amazing hunters).

Living in North Alabama, I didn’t have to worry much about sharks, but my friends teased that one day sharks would walk on land just to get at me.  Now let’s fast forward to college, which I attended in Mobile, Alabama.  My first night there, we got off on a discussion about my feelings towards sharks.  My new friends loaded me up and drove me to the city park (just two miles from my dorm room.  Posted all around the pond are signs that say “no swimming - alligators”. 

Thus, my feelings for alligators were born, and it has continued to grow over the years. 

First there was my stint as a lifeguard at the Gulf State Park, in Gulf Shores, Alabama.  Right after I signed the employment contract the guy says “oh, I forgot to mention that we have alligators, but we haven’t seen one in the swimming area in about three years.”

“Great,” I thought to myself, “I would much rather we not be able to see them.”

My first day on the job was a bit tense.  If something moved in the water, I watched closely, whistle poised, just in case I needed to get everyone out of the water.  I didn’t have to wait long.  I was literally on the lifeguard stand for two hours when I spotted my first - live and in the wild - alligator.  Who cares that it was only a foot long.   Who cares that all it did was stick its little head up, look around, and then go away.   It was alive, and it was an alligator. 

We spotted one every week from there on out.  (Did you know that alligators smile?  They do at me anyway.)  It was a plot.  They were all out to get me.  If I wasn’t on duty, the alligators just didn’t show up.  I changed my cologne, my soap, even the color of my swim suit.  But they always knew where I was.

I wasn’t much on the life saving that summer, but it was at that lake that I became convinced of an alligator conspiracy.   And I knew that since the alligators and sharks are really the same thing, then they must share information.  They all knew.  I wasn’t safe in any of the water.  I did the only thing I could; I moved back to north Alabama.

Whew!  There were no more bayous and no more oceans.  Back in the north, I was far away from the fangs, and those grins.  I felt safe, but it turns out I wasn’t. 

It was all the beavers’ fault.  These horrible damn creatures were causing problems in Wheeler Wildlife Refuge (which just happens to be a short swim up the river from where I live). Someone had the brilliant idea to use alligators to thin out the beaver population.  After all, the alligators wouldn’t possible survive our winters up here (like they have never seen a horror movie like Lake Placid – the creatures ALWAYS survive).

No one called to ask me what I thought.  I would have explained that a buck-toothed rodent was highly acceptable when compared to a man-eating machine.  Instead, the alligators were released, the beavers were thinned out, and the memo was sent to all the fellow alligators that just up the river is “that girl we all were told about.”  (At least, that’s the way it happened in my head).

Getting into the lake around here requires all of my concentration.  I can’t focus too much on what I can’t see.  I have to focus on all the “information” I’ve heard from the alligator “experts” about how the animals (that can kill me with one bite) are really afraid of me.  If I splash loud enough then they will go away, right?  Expect in “Jaws” it was the splashing that drew him in.

I think we may have to move on up to Tennessee.  There aren’t any alligators up there, are there?

1 comment August 27th, 2007

Peculiar Ideas for a Good Wife

Being a good wife when your husband is NOT being a godly husband is a peculiar concept for the world. Fortunately for us, we are not “of this world” we are just “in this world.”

There have been times in my life when I needed a break through or I needed support or I just needed a comforting hand. Instead of turning to God, I have looked to my life partner who is supposed to be my all and all. Right? When he wasn’t what I needed, it was easy for me to fall into my own little pity party (have you ever been there?).

“He doesn’t care about anyone but himself.” “He doesn’t want to help.” “He thinks I’m not doing enough.” “He’s selfish and self focused.” “Maybe there is someone else in his life.”

It has always taken some time to dig my way out of the ditch of pity – the length of time usually depends on how deep I’ve dug the ditch or how long I’ve been lying in it feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes I jump out with a great leap of energy and faith, but more often than not I claw my way back out.

It is not easy to be a good wife when you have to live with a human husband. There are days that he doesn’t notice how tired I am – even if I have repeated the phrase since he got home. There are days that he forgets to do everything that he just got through saying he would do. There are days that he chooses to put his own needs above mine. What is my secret?

1. I spend time every day with God. I always try to spend my first minutes in prayer and study. It’s quite and I’m able to get grounded and focused before the day really starts. The days when I choose not to get out of bed and miss my quiet time, I can feel a difference.

2. I don’t expect my husband to meet my needs. Since God has a bit more power and flexibility, I’ve been looking to him. When someone compliments my children or my cooking or my garden, I thank God for being concerned about my feelings. I take the compliment from God. If I don’t get a compliment because I cooked dinner or washed the dishes or did the laundry, I don’t worry about it because I did it for God and not for the compliment. He will find a way to let me know he appreciates me; He always does.

3. I treat others like I would like them to treat me. That does mean that I have had to turn the television off in the last 5 minutes of the show I just watched for two hours. But I want my family to know that they are FIRST. That’s the least I expect from my children. I also have been working EXTREMELY hard at not yelling – instead I actually get up and go to the room where the person is located that I need to speak with. Hmm, what a concept. Basically, I’m showing everyone respect, with out regard to how they might be treating me (care for a big ole slice of humble pie?).

4. I do what has to be done – even if it isn’t my job. That does NOT mean I don’t expect the kids to help out. As I write this, the oldest is picking up the kitchen and emptying the dryer. What is does mean is that I do the dishes when they pile up or I put the clothes away when they are clean. Most of these jobs only take five minutes. Most of us normally spend more time whining about the fact that they have to be done.

5. I do pray for my husband every single day. These are not those “change him” kind of prayers. These are prayers that thank God for blessing me with my life partner. I pray that I can be a wife he is proud of having in his life. I thank God for the blessings that he is pouring over my husband’s life. Just as sure as you ask God to change your husband, He’s going to come back at you with the “you first” comment.

6. I do love, honor, and respect my husband because that is what God has told me to do. I don’t have to agree with him about everything and he doesn’t have to be doing it all perfectly. I love, honor, and respect him in faith.

Being a good wife is a peculiar way to live for most of us. Society has said that you have to focus on you and making you happy. But finding joy REQUIRES you to focus outside yourself. Put God first, put the ones around you second, and by the time you get around to yourself you will be so full of joy that it won’t really matter anymore.

Add comment August 26th, 2007

Organizing the Home (or How to Keep the Dining Room Table Clear)

There is a misconception that some people are born organized and others are not.  If that were true, I would fall into the later category.  My room was always a mess, I never planned things out, and spontaneity was always my style of order.

Now I’m a mom – and one that is working at home and homeschooling the kids.  Organization is no longer a choice or a trait; it is the only way to survive.  The “organized” people of the world have been kind enough to put out books and books about becoming decluttered in life and spirit, and I’m reading as many as I can find time to read.  None of them are perfect, but they all have a bit of wisdom that I’m applying to my life.

1.      Lists are not a bad thing – especially if you follow them.  You just can’t spend all day on making the list.  I keep a To Do list on my desk.  If I think about something I CAN’T do right then (make a phone call or run an errand) then I jot it on my list.  Other wise, I try to do it then.  Also, I have a list of things that I need to do daily that I print out.  It helps me to know what I have to accomplish through out the day.

2.      Sit down at the table to eat all meals.  Eating in front of the television is not just bad for the waistline, but it steals quality time from your family.  The greatest benefit to eating at the table is that it can’t become a clutter catcher.  I noticed that our table was covered after just one day of not sitting down for meals.

3.      Consistency is the key to a peaceful life.  I started washing clothes on every Thursday.  Now I PLAN for laundry on Thursday, the kids expect to get up and sort clothes on Thursday, and my husband expects an easy supper on Thursdays.  By doing the same thing at the same time every body is ready and prepared for what is to come.

4.      Make a list of chores cards and then have a drawing game every month to see who gets the privilege of doing what chores.  The younger kids can draw fewer cards or be assigned a buddy to help them out.  Do it at the supper table when every one is present (maybe dad will volunteer to join the “game”).

5.      When in doubt, call in re-enforcements.  I have a friend that will volunteer some time to help me if I get overwhelmed (although I try to always pay her something).  If I have to go away for a couple of days or if things get too hectic because of one emergency or another (say there is an invasion of hundreds of red wasps in the attic that are coming in the house through the baby’s room) then she is there to get things in some what of an order for me.

Organization is not always easy for me.  Finding the time to organize as well as the determination to follow through has come from much trial and error (and is still being perfected).  The more I do, the more I know how to do, and the more I want to get done.  Maybe one of these days, I will be the organized wife my husband dreams about at night .

Add comment August 23rd, 2007

Steps To Improve Your Writing

Writing is one of the most valuable skills we have, but it is also one of the most under utilized.  Even those of us who set out to make a living with the written word don’t do it justice on most days.

When I first started trying to make a career out of writing, I was sure that I had some talent.  There was just no one who seemed willing to pay me for that talent.  The rejection letters soon became a fire hazard.  For some reason, I still pressed on.

Over the years, I have continued to press my skills in order to be a better writer.  My goal was never to change how I wrote, necessarily.  It was more about honing and tightening the voice that carried through most of my work.

1.      Write a newspaper column (or a column for a blog).  Many local newspapers have competitions that let local writers get some experience (and a byline) under their belts.  The same goes for some blogs.  It won’t be great pay (and is some cases with the blogs it won’t be any pay), but it will teach you to work under a deadline and within a word limit.

2.      Take a class.  If you can’t find something at the local college or junior college (which would give you live, personal feedback) then find something online.  I’ve taken several courses through ed2go.com and have been thoroughly satisfied with most of them.

3.      Join a writer’s group.  If there isn’t one in your area, then start one.  It will give you the chance to have some one NOT related to you critique your work.  Toughen up your skin though.  Strangers are not as likely to be as gentle as your mother.

4.      Find some blogging or writer’s forums and participate.  These are kind of like the online version of the writer’s groups, but I don’t typically share my work in this format.  I use these to ask questions or find other sites that can teach me a better way to write.

5.      Attend writer’s conferences.  There will be local, day long events at the junior college or university up the road.  There will also be weekend long events.  Take every opportunity to meet fellow writers, editors, or publishers.  If they are speaking at one of these events, then they are probably willing to answer questions.  Ask away.  If you are anything like me you will find that the more you learn, the more you need to learn.

6.      Step out of your genre.  If you only write fiction stories, try doing a personal essay for Reader’s Digest.  Write a short story based on a famous family member (historical).  Write a sports column.  The idea is to keep pushing your writing so that it can grow beyond where you already are today.

7.      Write something EVERY day.  It doesn’t have to be a great piece of work, but you do need to be consistent in your writing.  I once heard of a writer who always threw away the first two pages that was written.  It took him that long to get into the flow.  I’m not throwing any of it away, but I do sometimes just write a letter to a friend or a rant about the traffic to get the juices flowing.

8.      Don’t be afraid (or too proud) to change what you wrote.  My novel is on its umpteenth draft, and I don’t even have an editor yet.  Play with words.  Read it out loud.  Cut what you have done and then cut it some more.  Make it crisp and fast and alive.

Since I started writing just last year, my writing has become much tighter.  Adverbs are NOT my friends.  And the more I work the more work I seem to be able to find.  Writing is something that must be nurtured, worked, and tended much like an award winning garden.  The more you care for your writing, the more it will be able to care for you.

2 comments August 22nd, 2007

A Good Wife Learns to Survive the Unexpected

“This is not what I expected.  Sometimes I don’t even like being around you.”  My husband’s words shocked me into silence.  This feat of me being silent for any reason would have normally been impressive, but today it was just painful.  I wanted so much to be a good wife, and now I was finding out just how horribly I had failed.

It was the final straw to a miserable time in my life.  The last few months had been one bad situation after another.  If I wasn’t under attack physically, then emotionally the attack raged on.

After a bad reaction to medication during the first trimester of pregnancy, I had miscarried with our third child.  During the same time, the elders of the church we were attending decided to shut us out.  “They will do what ever it takes to keep you from getting plugged in.”  If that wasn’t devastating enough, my extended family seemed to be collapsing all around me after my great aunt had passed away.

Every where I turned, I faced death, destruction, and disappointment.

So, for the icing, my husband tells me he doesn’t like me.  In all rights, I should have beaten him with the crochet hook I was using at the time.  I think it would have been a legally defensible.

In stead of anger, there was a strange sensation that overwhelmed me at that moment.  As soon as the words came out of his mouth, a deep sense of calm washed over me.  There was only one way I could help the situation.  I had to change.

Over the next couple of days I prayed about the situation.  When I found myself in a bookstore, I looked for the answer on the shelves.  What I found was a book called “How to Encourage the Man in Your Life” by H. Norman Wright.  It took me just two days to read – even with two kids to keep up with.

The book gave me the direction that I had been searching for over those days.  It said that I had to change my heart – start focusing on those around me instead of on myself so much.  It went completely against everything I had heard from the world.

I began to face each day with encouragement in mind.  By looking for the good actions I could use to give a positive word, I found it impossible to focus on the bad actions.  Releasing the burden of judging the world (or even just my husband) was like a spring shower.  I was alive for the first time in my life.

I began to do things for him like fix his lunch before work, send cards in his lunch box, and have meals as a family on the weekends.  The act of  serving spilled over to others in my life and I began sending letters to friends and family or making special treats for the neighbors.  With all the joy that was pouring out of me, I just wanted to encourage, lift up, or touch in some way everyone that I could.

It took just two days for my husband to be able to tell a difference.  He even made a comment about what a good wife I was to him.  I’d like to be able to report that he rushed right out and bought “How to Encourage the Woman in Your Life,” but he didn’t.  I have learned through all of this that it doesn’t matter what he does or doesn’t do.  My walk is about me.

In the midst of despair, God pointed me to His joy.  For me, it came through a book.  The real answer is God.  If I’m focused on doing what He desires for my life, the rest will just roll right off my back.

Add comment August 20th, 2007

Paul and the Ants

Ants are not my favorite creature on this great earth.  Fire ants, in particular, are high on my list of things to question God about when I get to heaven.  It doesn’t help that I saw “Phase IV” when I was a kid - a movie that has haunted me through out life.

Even with my dislike (or concern) for these creatures, I can’t help but be amazed.  The workers work, the guards guard, and the queen lays eggs - each has a job that they do with out question or concern for the bigger picture.  It’s not like they have an ant architect down in their hole showing them drawings of what everything will look like once the job is done.

If only I could be more like an ant.  When I get a word from God (through the bible, a sermon, or something the kids say - don’t you hate it when the kids have the answer) then I would just do that.  I wouldn’t have to spend hours meditating over where this action might or might not take me.  No bush would have to burn to convince me to step out of my comfort zone.  My actions would be quick and without hesitation - just like the ants.

When I was born and the doctor slapped my behind, I think I probably asked him “why did you do that?”  Curiosity is as much a part of my being as breathing.  I think Paul had a lot of that in him as well.  He was definitely a detailed oriented man.  So when Jesus appeared to Paul, he said “go to the city and wait.”  Jesus didn’t tell Paul what would be next.  Paul had to obey without understanding.  Just do it.

What have I missed in my life because I didn’t “just do it?”  How many blessings have I passed on?  “No thank you, God.  I don’t want your blessing unless you tell me what I will get, when I will get it, and why you want me to do this.”

Sometimes the things we need to do make sense.  More often than not, it doesn’t seem fair that we are doing this when “they” get to do that.  In the long run, there are very few of us that haven’t gotten a direction from God about something.  It’s time we took a lesson from the ants.

What is the last thing that God led you to do?  Have you done it?  Or are you waiting for more details before you step out? Pick up your leaf, and with blind faith, step out.  God will not leave you without direction.

Add comment August 18th, 2007

Music Can Make Your Attitude

Music helps me get through those times when it would other wise be impossible. Sometimes the perfect song sneaks up on me and other times I’m searching for hope. There is just something about music that can make any moment just a little better.

I’m very eclectic when it comes to music - which really shouldn’t be all that surprising since I’m not exactly normal in other aspects of my life. It can be old, new, country, rap, or what ever form it needs to take. As long as the music is good, the lyrics are solid (and tell some sort of story), and it preferably has a beat you can dance to then I’m a happy camper.

Flipping through stations on an errand run the other day, I got the privilege of hearing “If You’re Going Through Hell” for the first time. It has a catchy tune and a fun beat. The next time I heard it was when I really started to think. The last line of the chorus “you might get out before the devil even knows you’re there” was the one that kept spinning through my head.