It’s amazing how the moment you think you have it all together, it all seems to fall apart. Yesterday was so smooth. I got my work done, got the dishes and laundry done, did some cooking (and some freezing) and even did some exercising.
This morning, I got up all excited about another day like yesterday. The first thing that I got was confronted by someone about my attitude. Then my kids refused to cooperate. I got distracted from work, even though I knew I was on a time crunch to start with, and every one seemed determined to call me out.
It was a moment of truth. Three years ago, I would have thrown a complete temper tantrum. I would have demanded that everyone see things my way and would have been happy to point out all of my accomplishments and even more of their flaws.
Three weeks ago, I would have burst into tears. Nothing hurts more than trying to please others only to find out just how bad you are lacking. After a good cry and a long wallowing in self pity, I would have taken a hot bath (because I deserve to be pampered) and gone to bed early.
Three days ago, I would have just given up. It’s obvious that I can’t do anything I set out to do, so I wouldn’t have tried. I would have kicked up my feet, watch some television, and avoided the world.
Today, I faced the distraction head on and recognized what was going on. It would have been easy to ignore the plan I put forth. I chose to work and deal with the chaos all at once. It would have been easy to take offense at the actions and attitudes of those around me. I chose to accept that people are people and not lose any sleep over it. I could have done a lot of things, and I would have probably been justified for every one of them.
Why was today different? Today was different because yesterday morning I committed to God (out loud in prayer and in writing as well) to making it different. I decided that since I am responsible for the choices I make, I might as well start making good choices.
How do you face the chaos and come out on top? Do you have a tip that will get another woman through the yuck that can blind side us? We are all in this together, so blow off a little steam and maybe we can blow up a lifeboat together.
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July 17th, 2007
I am fat. I’ve tried to ignore the fact for the last couple of years, but the mirrors don’t lie and I have to look in them every now and again. My family has always been weight conscious, so it would be an easy out to say it’s genetic. Just this last holiday, the conversation turned to diets and weight loss almost as soon as we were all in one spot together.
The truth is much more brutal. I am fat because I choose to eat too much. I would go so far as to say I am addicted to the stuff. There are times when I am so full I have to loosen my pants, but I can still find space for some chocolate cake. There is no denying it. But I’ve decided that just admitting that fact is to win the battle. Now I can face the enemy and know it’s the enemy.
And face the enemy I must. Unlike other addicts, I can’t avoid the temptation. In order to survive, I must eat. So how do I deal with the substance that is wreaking havoc on my life?
The key to losing weight and gaining control over the food is to chew less. It’s not about swallowing the food whole, it’s about putting less food in my mouth to start with. It’s about making a choice to eat or not to eat. Admitting that I have a problem has already made the choice much easier. The last two days have been about just eating until I’m satisfied - think first date kind of meal - but still eating what I really like or want.
Even with the triumph of the last two days, temptation has still tried to creep in. At lunch, I knew I was satisfied, but I wanted to finish my sandwich. I needed to finish my sandwich. It didn’t make sense, but it was an overwhelming feeling. I ended up choosing to stop after three quarters and even left some chips on the plate. By the time I cleaned up my mess and put my dishes in the sink, I realized that I was just passed satisfied. (The brain is so slow in figuring out the stomach is full.)
Then later, I “needed” something sweet to eat. There are NO sweets in my house right now - not for any particular reason other than we ate them all - but I needed something. I even thought about making cookie dough, but I didn’t want to go to the trouble or have to clean up the mess. (Writing this right now, I realize that what I NEEDED was a fix – hmmm).
I was about to call my husband at his dad’s house and have him bring me a candy bar when I remembered the Reese’s Cup my middle son saved from his class at church this past Sunday to give as a gift to his older brother. They hadn’t said anything about it since then, so I figured that made it open to the public. Just as I was settling in to enjoy the experience, it occurred to me what I was going to do.
The truth was, I didn’t NEED anything. I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t even all that tired. I just wanted to eat. I pushed the candy aside, and it will live to see another day. I got a glass of water and called it a night.
Food does not control my life any more. As I take back control, I know that the weight is already starting to melt off. Technically, weight loss occurs when you take in less energy than you give off. If I’m not shoving my mouth full of food that I’m not hungry for then the scales will soon be tipping in my favor once again.
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July 17th, 2007
